The Fear…

I was talking to my flatmate the other night and we came to the conclusion that men fall into three categories according to their age. Men in their twenties are scared that we’re trying to wheedle a diamond out of them, men in their thirties are convinced that we’re secretly trying to get pregnant and men in their forties are scared that we’ll tell their wives about us. I’m assuming that once they hit 50+, most of their energy is spent on fearing death.

Take, for example, my recent experience with Doug, a cute, easygoing thirty-eight year old I met at a friend’s leaving party. After a couple of dates – on which, I hasten to add, we discussed AT LENGTH the fact that I don’t want to have children (he asked) – we went back to my place. All was going according to plan…until he freaked out.

“Are you SURE you’re on the pill?” he asked, terror in his eyes.

“Of course I am – do you think I’m on some sort of kamikaze mission?”

“I know, I know…It’s just, when you get to my age… women sometimes really want to get pregnant… and they lie about that stuff. So, you’re sure?”

So, to be clear: despite our repeated discussions about my determination to remain one of those terribly selfish childless people for the rest of my life, he managed to convince himself that I was only using him for his precious, precious seed. And I mean, he wasn’t exactly a genetic goldmine – he thought that Americans exchanged Christmas presents on Thanksgiving and didn’t know the meaning of the word narcissistic (oh, the irony). If he were a prospective sperm donor and I was in the market, I’m pretty sure I’d flip the catalogue page.

The thing is, the vast majority of my single female friends aren’t looking for serious relationships – they’re just looking for a guy who’s a decent human and decent in bed who they can have sex with every ten days or so. So where is all this fear coming from?

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  • Elizabeth says:

    This blog is amazing! I’m with you that the ideas of “The Rules” seem utterly creepy, so I’m really curious how July will play out for you. Brilliant posts; can’t wait to read more soon.

  • Sarah says:

    So looking forward to July 1. I am very much looking forward to hearing about the men, the rules and the results!

  • ryan says:

    i’m not sure all men have the same fears. i am sure some of us are just scared of giving the wrong impression. that we only want sex if we want more. or that we only want a relationship when its just sex we are after. so, really, men just want to be better at communication but just arent sure how to go about it.

    • Love by the book says:

      I know it’s a total generalization but in my experience it’s been true. Maybe it’s just more galling for me because I feel I’m pretty upfront about what I want (sex) and what I don’t want (babies) and I feel like men (like Doug) stil insist on lumping me in to this stereotype of Women As Baby-Mongering-Marriage-Lovers.

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