No Pain!

So, sorry to disappoint but there was no date with the Kiwi last night. He came down with some sort of terrible hacking cough (Swine flu? Bird flu? Remember Bird flu? Those were the days…) and we had to postpone until Friday. It actually worked out for the better as it was a rather rainy and depressing Monday. The only annoying bit about it was the fact I wore my chosen Date Dress to work and spent the day feeling a bit trussed up and chilly when I could have been in jeans and converse. I have already warned my coworkers that they will be seeing me in the same dress on Friday and they’re not to judge my hygiene levels. Kiwi is still giving great email banter (which is like kryptonite to me) so my hopes for the date are still relatively high.

Here’s the thing I’m noticing about following The Rules: it’s bloody boring. Despite the fact that I’ve got one date under my belt and a further three lined up (a 400% increase on my June dating record already) it’s all feeling a bit…dull (not to mention the fact that the prospect of me having sex anytime soon seems to be receding further and further into the distance despite all these new prospective suitors. At this rate, by the end of the month I will indeed have become a “creature like any other” – a rabid, sex-starved madwoman).

Anyway, I’ve been channeling all my pent up energy and aggression into training for a couple of half marathons I’m running this fall. So on Sunday morning, my flatmate and I dragged our asses out of bed and went to a circuits class in the park run by my trainer friend. We thought there’d be a pretty big group of us but – surprisingly – we were the only two foolish enough to set our alarms for 8am on a Sunday morning for the pleasure of being beasted by an extremely muscular Caribbean man. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t eat or drink – he seems to survive purely off the pain and suffering of others.

Training with him is a bit like the Street Flava dance class – all delusions of grandeur (hell, even of mild competence) are immediately shattered. “I’ll be FINE!” I think as I trot down to the park. “I run all the time! I’m in the best shape of my life! Trainer Friend will be so impressed with me.”

“NO PAIN!” he yells over and over again as my flatmate and I hurl a gigantic medicine ball through the air and then chase after it. “LOWER!” he screams as we do our 300th squat jump. “NO WHINING!” he chastises when flatmate and I start commiserating over the fact that we’re both near death. (That’s another reason I was fine that the Kiwi date was postponed – I spend much of yesterday walking like I’d had an unfortunate encounter with a metal rod).

At the end of the session, he drove our limp, sweat-soaked bodies back to our flat. “You just can’t let yourself think about the pain,” he said. “Just block it out.” “You’re insane,” I said.

But maybe I should apply this whole “no pain, no gain” attitude to the project. The authors of The Rules admit over and over that following them isn’t much fun and can be difficult, but they assure me that rainbows and fluffy kittens and all manner of unending delights await me if I stick with it. So I guess if I’m willing to get up at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning and put my body through agony in the hope that I’ll run a little bit faster, I should be able to refrain from conducting my love life like an episode of One Life to Live for a month.

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